Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Ultimate Benny

This is something I pulled off one of the Yahoo club sites. It says it was written by someone named Wallace Mason. It's a dream edition of the Benny Hill Show. All I can say is, "Bravo, Wallace!"

The Ultimate Benny Hill Show No. 1 by Wallace Mason

It’s the mid 1980’s. British policewomen still where the white and black caps with chequered bands and nurses still wear blue uniforms and caps. The unaired Benny Hill show is about to start. It does include some of Benny’s real sketches, some stolen from other programmes, and others from my twisted mind.
Opening shot Benny lies in bed ill, moaning to his wife that he doesn’t want night nurse. She says it will help him sleep, he refuses. His wife opens the door to a young nurse in a nurses cap, baby doll style nurse outfit and tells the young lady to go.
Cut to a musical item, some of Benny’s songs in the setting of the old Wild West with all of Hill’s Angels dressed as cowgirls.
End of musical item.
The music strikes up cut to a wall with the following: -
“Bill Stickers Will Be Prosecuted”
Move down to show: -
“Bill Stickers Is Innocent”
Benny walks past dressed as a police inspector. He passes a sign that read “Police Cadet School”.
Cut to a line of young policewomen standing to attention in their uniforms. It is a parade. Guests are seated on a podium. Benny and a major walk up to each WPC in turn chatting to them. Henry McGee follows with a cushion with a medal on it.
Cut to two workmen hauling an enormous fan. They are Benny and the little guy. The little gut drops his end and Benny gets it on the foot. He slaps the little guy on the head.
Cut back to Inspector Hill, he is now talking to and exceptionally well endowed WPC whose young breasts stick right out. He takes the medal from the cushion and tries to put it on her chest, not sure where to place the thing. He eventually holds her tit and pins the medal on. As he walks away a hissing sound can be heard. Benny looks into the camera bemused.
Cut to the police cadet band. They are getting read on a small stage. Two young WPC’s stand on a higher level with cymbals. Two tuba players just underneath them. Benny the conductor with the thick glasses taps his baton on the baldhead of Bob Todd. He says “a practice” and the tubas blow blasting up the young WPC’s skirts to show stockings and suspenders underneath. The two WPC’s try to push down their skirts.
Cut to Inspector Hill now in front of another large chested WPC having medal trouble, he tried to pin it when the mayor taps him on the shoulder, he turns suddenly ripping the front of the young WPC’s tunic to reveal her boobs in a white bra.
Cut to the two workmen, they are resting eating their sandwiches. The fan is behind them. They laugh pointing at the above scene. The little guy bites into his sandwich and tomato ketchup sprays out.
Cut to the exposed WPC, the ketchup hits her cleavage.
Cut to Conductor Benny moving the young WPC’s he moves them so they are in front of the trombone players. They start again; the trombones play down obviously hitting the WPC’s in the bottoms. This happens several times, and then the trombones get caught up in the policewomen’s skirts. The trombone player’s pull back tearing the WPC’s skirts off showing their black stockings and suspenders, the WPC’s try to cover themselves.
Cut to Inspector Benny he is now with the WPC Sergeant who is a stern faced young woman, but has enormous breasts. He talks to her, then shakes her hand. He tits wobble as he shakes hands with her. He watches her tits bounce up and down in the confines of her uniform. He stops shaking goes to walk away then moves back, talks some more, then shakes hands again. Her tits bounce and dance once more. He stares again. Then moves off. The mayor then shakes hands with her, he is the little guy and is in direct eye line with her bouncing tits. He just won’t stop shaking; his head follows her large boobs as they bounce up and down. Henry McGee sees what he is doing and pushes him away. Talks to the WPC Sergeant, then shakes hands with her staring down as her knockers shake about.
Cut to a view of the parade ground. We hear a voice say “One two.....erm......three!”
The band starts playing. We cut to them the WPC’s still have no skirts and play above the tuba players.
Cut to the two workmen, they finish their sandwiches.
Cut to the young WPC’s, headed by their large chested sergeant as they march along.
Cut to the WPC’s in the band.
Cut to Benny the workman, he nudges the little guy gesturing to the two skirtless WPC’s in the band. The little guy falls back, hits the switch on the large industrial fan which comes on. Benny hits the little guy on the head.
Cut to the marching WPC’s, they are hit by the air from the fan, which starts tearing their clothes off. They fall to the ground struggling to keep their dignity.
Cut to the little guy who switches the fan off.
Cut to the WPC’s only in their bra, knickers, stockings, and suspenders and police caps. They are trying to cover themselves.
Inspector Benny walks over to the WPC Sergeant who is in a large purple half cut bra, purple knickers and suspenders with her black stockings and police cap. She has a deep full cleavage. Inspector Benny talks to her for a while then garbs her hand and starts shaking it watching her bra encased boobs jump about. The mayor grinning watches, as do the other men.
Fade out.
The ad break.
Back again cut to a woman in a US Calvary uniform tied to a tree, her uniform is torn at the front showing her white bra covering her ample bosoms.
Benny a cowboy walks on.
“Oh,” she cries, “it was terrible, there were ten of them all Apaches!”
Benny starts undoing his trousers; “This just ain’t your lucky day!”
Cut to an airport a young brunette air stewardess in full British Airways uniform stands at a ticket desk.
Benny is there as an American tourist.
“How would you like to pay?” says the uniformed lovely.
“American Express,” Benny holds up his card.
“That’ll do nicely sir,” the stewardess rips open her blouse showing him her dark blue bra, “And would you like to rub my tits?”
As Benny reaches for them a voice over says, “Put you head in between them and go blubble, blubble, blubble, with American Express.”
Cut to US Calvary parade ground. A young woman in a Calvary outfit stand waiting, the theme from branded starts up. An elderly General played by Benny walks into view. He takes out her sword and ties to break it over his knee, hurting himself. He takes off her hat a throws it weakly down, he rips off each of her epaulets, then starts ripping off her buttons, as he gets to the last one he keels over.
Cut to a Hills Angels dressed as nurses singing and dancing provocatively around a hospital ward. Ends with the girls doing a can can.
Cut to the WPC Sergeant less her jacket from the earlier sketch running after a crook. She catches up with him, takes out some handcuffs, there is a struggle and the crook runs away the handcuffs are on her breasts.
An ad break.
The final part opens with a shot of a Battleship. The words HMS Venus on the side of it.
Cut to Benny in the water drowning, two Wrens walk up, see him and start stripping off their uniforms until they are down to two lovely lingerie sets red and blue and their caps. Benny lifts and camera from the water and takes a few pictures.
Cut to the deck of the ship, Benny and the little guy are sailors walking along. A few Wrens pass them. The captain Bob Todd comes up and talks to them pointing to a sign that says “Visit by USAN Crockett.” And Todd points out.
Cut to a shot of a US aircraft carrier.
Cut back to Todd who hands Benny and the little guy mops and buckets.
Cut to the men later cleaning a deck; a Wren walks past, stops and adjusts her suspender. Benny accidentally hits the little guy in the face with the mop, making him spin around and smack into the chest of a WAVE (played by same busty woman who played WPC Sergeant) who is with the captain and the US Captain (played by Henry McGee). He tries to pull away but his jacket is caught to a medal on her chest. Every time they try to pull him away his pings back his face smacking with her boobs until she eventually falls over and he lands on top of her, face sandwiched by her tits.
The captain has a go at Benny who takes out a pair of scissors. He joins the two on the ground, snipping is heard.
The little guy stands up; free with the Waves uniform stuck on his face. The Wave turns to show the front half of her uniform cut away, she has no bra on and quickly covers her boobs with her hands. The US Captain tries to pull her away, pulling her arm releasing a boob, which pops out and is quickly covered.
The captain shouts at Benny and the little guy.
Cut to the Wave in her quarters putting on a bra with nothing on top, a skirt and her Navy hat. She hasn’t quite finished it. There is a knock on the door, she turns, Benny stands there with a parcel, throws it to her, and she lets go of her bra, which falls, as she catches the parcel showing Benny everything.
Cut to the Wrens changing room, the Hills Angels are half in uniform half out. Benny walks in and they all throw their bras at him. He grabs them and runs out. The Wrens realise he now has their bras.
Cut to the deck of the ship, the Captains stands on a podium doing a speech, the US Captain is next to him. The five US Waves including the original one stand on the podium.
Ten Wrens stand in a line listening to their captain.
Cut to Benny and the little guy on a higher level with a huge fan, they giggle and turn it on.
The Wrens clothes are torn away by the fan, they have no bras and struggle to cover themselves and hold their hats on. Cut to Benny laughing.
Cut to captain shouting, he waves his fist.
A chase starts. Benny and the little guy being chased by the Us Captain, the captain, five Waves and ten topples Wrens in stockings and suspenders, still with their hats on and holding their arms or hands over their tits.
Benny and the little guy run along the deck. Benny grabs a bucket of soapy water and throws it over the deck. The U.S. Captain and U.K. Captain skid on the water and end up falling over the side of the ship. The first four Waves fall arse over tit; their skirts riding up showing their knickers and stockings. The ten Wrens slip over revealing their breasts, some land on their bosoms, sliding across the deck. Finally the first Wave skids right into Benny pushing him on the floor, she is on top of him, her tits right in his face. He holds her there and rubs his face in her tits.

The end.

Benny is THE MAN

A couple of more pictures of Benny and some lovelies, Sue Upton and Jenny Lee-Wright. What I wouldn't give to be Benny's right hand. I know that Jenny Lee-Wright had an amazing rack, but her bottom wasn't too shabby either. Good for a bit of the old slap and tickle, eh? And I love how he's pulling up Sue's skirt so her knickers can be shown to the world. (How much you want to bet that some lucky bloke, as soon as that picture was taken, reached in for his own handful of Sue's delicious bottom. I know I would have! If I had the chance, I would have grabbed for those panties so everyone could get a flash of her fanny.)

Friday, May 23, 2008

One last pic of the Angels

Benny surrounded by a bevy of beauties

What I wouldn't give to be Benny here, surrounded by a sea of loveliness. How many of these birds do you think he did? I love to imagine him stripping off their clothes and chasing them through a park, their naughty bits wobbling as Benny and the boys scurry after them. Eventually, as more men get a look at these cheeky lovelies running down the street in their bra and panties, the chase grows larger and larger. The girls are getting more and more frantic--the men are saying the rudest things to them. "Come ere and sit on my face, love!" "Me and my mates can't wait to catch these birds, and give them what all good birds need -- a real roasting!" The chase continues, the Angels in their high heels, bra, panties and knickers, squealing as they try and evade the sex-hungry mob. Eventually, they're stopped by police. The girls think they're safe ... only to see the chase started again when the policemen take off after them!

Some pictures I've found of Hill's Angels

Another shot of Benny and the lovely Alison. Benny is doing what any healthy, red-blooded guy should be doing--checking out Alison's lovely juggs! Mmmmm, wouldn't you love to get your hands on those? I'd stick my face right into them and give them a good motorboating, maybe get my lips around one of those big nips of hers and give a good tug. Then, I'd finish with a good titwank, slipping my peter in between those two delicious bazooms!

Ohhh, check out this lovely pic of Alison Bell. I love the fact that Benny is checking out her lovely bottom. What I wouldn't give to be Benny here--you can see his excitement, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of getting his hands on that mouth-watering figure of hers. And with that lovely smile, she looks good and ready for a healthy roll in the hay! Go Benny Go!

Friday, February 29, 2008


One of my favorite closing chase scenes from Benny Hill. I found this on YouTube--hope you enjoy it!

Second post

The single greatest day for the boys on the set was the day we helped remake the "Lower Tidmarsh Volunteer Fire Brigade" sketch. There was a load of my favorite birds in various states of undress, including Sue Upton in a skirt that barely covered her stocking tops, and my lovely Alison Bell in a teddy that left very little to the imagination. When Sue came down the fire pole flashing that mouthwatering bum, I assure you that all of our "poles" were firmly at attention! (A little secret--we actually got it right on the first take, but we had her slide down the pole 5 or 6 times so everyone could get a good look at that delicious bum of hers. Mmmmm!) It was a long day, and we ended up filming several exterior scenes. We had to help Sue on and off the truck several times--one time it was my turn, and I made sure to get a good handful. As I squeezed both cheeks in anticipation of boosting her up, she turned to me and smiled. "It's a good thing Benny is going to use cold water when he shoots all over my bum," she said. "I'm red down there because of all the fun you boys have had with me today!" I gave her a kiss and said "Don't worry, love. We'll take it easy on you the rest of the day!" Of course, we didn't--every time one of us got near Sue, we made sure to brush up against her, copping a feel of that fabulous fanny or playfully squeezing her perky little wobblers. Later that afternoon, my mate Roy snuck up behind her as she was talking to her boyfriend, lifted her skirt and grabbed her from behind. He had a wicked stalk for her--especially in that sexy little fire uniform--and started humping her wildly while the rest of the crew just cheered him on. Here's a shot I found on the web of Sue that afternoon. What a good sport she was!

Another good sport was Alison Bell. That was her first day as a Hill's Angel, and she was really nervous. She was an absolute knockout--really sexy, with long legs and deep, full cleavage. However, she was a little shy, and insisted on changing into her revealing costume in the building with no one around. We all "understood," and so we let her have her peace--only after one of the fellas on the crew drilled a few discreet holes in the wall so we could watch her change! Whoooooaaaaaa! We all got the best show of the year that afternoon! In the middle of her "show," we couldn't take it anymore, bursting in on the poor girl and chasing her around the building. Three or four of us eventually cornered her and started groping those colossal boobs or slapping that tasty ass. (After awhile, she really started to get into the spirit of the thing. One of the fellas actually managed to get his lips around one of her nipples, causing her to squeal with delight.) "You boys are naughty--I shall have to keep an eye on you all!" she said with a big smile. No one got hurt and everyone had a lot of fun. Here's a picture of Alison not more than five minutes after we treated her body like an amusement park. Another great girl!